Dear study gods.  I’ve been thinking a lot, mostly because I am paranoid like a smart thief, that I won’t do so hot to trot in my classes.  I never cared about school much before but always did relatively well without trying any and now that I’m getting older I feel this whole “try hard” thing and to be completely 100% honest with you– it fucking sucks and makes me anxious about failure.  In my late twenties & only now I’m thinking about failing to live up to expectations.  I guess if that’s the case I’ve had it pretty easy cheese thus far and now I should gas up the pedal while I still got some sort of momentum going.

Dear creative gods.  I think you left when I became humble.  V says that to really make it, one must be somewhat delusional.  It’s true.  When I was at the top of my creativity and I could churn out beautiful sentences with concise diction and incredible analogies like factory-made parts, shiny and perfect and sturdy everytime.  Now I’m humble & I’m losing the most identifying characteristic of me, that I’m the world’s greatest gift to humanity in charms, fun, hilarity, cuteness, & overall fascination.  Now my goal is to reclaim being the world’s best white elephant gift without feeling suicidal all the time.  Thank you and hope to see you tomorrow.


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